Tomorrow our family will lay my Dad to rest. Although we haven't spoken or written in years it was very hard to take. He passed on Aug 15 suddenly of a heart attack at the age of only 62.
From this I have learned that anger doesn't hurt anyone but yourself. For years I wanted to sit down and jot a note and never did in fear it would be ignored. Dad joined Facebook back in May and Lynn and I were told that he found us there but couldn't bring himself to contact us.
I can only imagine that he felt the same way. That it would only get ignored.
If there is one thing I have learned from this it's to tear down those walls you may have built up against a loved one. Buck up take the situation head on and if anything at least TRY.
We don't live forever on this earth and regreat is the hardest thing to deal with.
I used to wonder how it would effect me if he were to pass and now I know first hand. And to go so young is a shame.
All of this reminds me of my favorite quote from my old Pastor back in Charleston.
"You will never have to forgive someone as much as God has forgiven you"
Remember that quote rather your a believer in Christ or not. Remember that Christ forgives us all no matter what we have done.
Below is a letter that I wrote the day he passed and ask that it be read at the service.
As most of you know we weren’t close. But that doesn’t change the fact that he was my Dad. I was always reminded of that.
Although we had a rough time he was thought of often both good and bad. As I sit here and think of his passing I think of all the things that he gave me. He helped give me life, he gave me a family and he helped in making me the person I am today. I look in the mirror and I see him. I’ve always looked so much like him I even have his toes. *giggle*
I believe I get my strong will and stubbornness from him and I have a strong desire for rich foods, that’s got to be from Dad because I remember grandma making the best meals.
Although we had a rough time he was thought of often both good and bad. As I sit here and think of his passing I think of all the things that he gave me. He helped give me life, he gave me a family and he helped in making me the person I am today. I look in the mirror and I see him. I’ve always looked so much like him I even have his toes. *giggle*
I believe I get my strong will and stubbornness from him and I have a strong desire for rich foods, that’s got to be from Dad because I remember grandma making the best meals.
The last time I heard from Dad was back in 1991 he knew I was a diehard Elvis fan growing up and he sent me collectable Elvis stamps, that I still have today. I remember this silly song he’d sing when we’d take a ride to KMART and Lynn and I would just laugh and laugh. I didn’t think I had many memories but I guess I do. It’s sad that today of all days it all comes flooding back.
The pain I’m feeling today just proves that I loved him more than I was ever willing to admit and I hope he knew that he was forgiven.
Funny, just 2 weeks ago I found him on facebook and didn’t do a thing with the info and heard today that he too had found Lynn and I on facebook and couldn’t bring himself to contact us. I wish he had, I wish I had. Perfect example of the stubbornness.
My hope is that he knew the Lord Jesus as his personal savior and that he’s gone home to be with him so that we can see each other again one day. Rest in peace daddy knowing you were loved even though it was in a strange stubborn way.
I morn both the dad I always wanted you to be and the daughter I should have been. As long as we were both here there was always the possibility and now there isn’t. But rest knowing you will not be forgotten.
I love you,
Lisa
Lisa
“I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid."John 14:27
3 comments:
Lisa I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. Your letter that you wrote made me cry. As you may know me and my dad have not talked in four years. I have tried to talk to him but he only ignores me and turns his head the other way if he does run into me. You don't know how bad this hurts. I just hope and pray that one day my dad will turn around and realize what he has lost not only in a daughter but with his two beautiful granddaughters who no longer have a father to love. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Found your blog off Coastie Chicks and just want to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your father. What a difficult thing to go through. Through Christ all things are possible. I'm glad you have that knowledge. My thoughts are with you.
LEESIE!!!!!!!!!
This is Jane..YES Jane lol from WDIT..weight watcher board, remember me? you posted today...and out of curiousity i followed to see the letter to the father you love so much...and yes I agree..i agree strongly that this person(the woman who took all things from your dad after 9 months) i agree that she should be put behind bars with no keys..that's some sick thing to do to someone!!! ahh that really makes me mad, i am stubborn too!
thank you hun for this post and letter..it made me realize that i need to bridge the gap and forgive my father for the stuff he did to me when i was a kid.
He and i get along well now, BUT we see each other rarely. we call,,but see each other on a rare basis. Just 1 year ago, we hanged 1 time per week going bowling, now his back is killing him and i need to find something else for us to do to hang out again :)
I miss him, we are not at any kind of rift or disagreement, he is just so busy and so am i.
Also he was a bit mad about my eye surgery almost 2 months back, that could be the reason he hasn't called in 3 weeks. Who knows??!!
i did call him less than 1 week ago and left a message, my call went unreturned.
I called my grandfather.and he told me that he'll talk to him and tell him to call me, but HE still has not called...my pride is getting in the way!!
should i call him 2nd time ???
this is highly unusual for my dad, usually when i call he calls right back, i was so worried after 1 week of not hearing from him i thought maybe sonething happened, then i got mad after talking to my grandfather knowing he is ok..except his back..ahh!!
so how have you been otherwise?
I've missed you Leesie on the board!!!
also check out my blog too...i post rarely as well..maybe 1-2 times per month..check it out and keep in touch :))
miss you!!!
Talk soon!!
p.s. Sorry this was so long!
Blessings always....and so so sorry for your loss..that's the saddest thing..I pray & hope that he had a relationship with Jesus too..my heart goes out to you too!!
talk soon hun!
Blessings!
my blog--
www.princess0479.blogspot.com/
In His hands,
Jane from w.w. board
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